I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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