Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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