I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
