hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
