I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
