Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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