I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
