kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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