:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
