He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My liver just had a heart attack.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
