capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
