sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I need moral support for this bender
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
