four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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