my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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