Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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