I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize