Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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