I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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