What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
