if i can run in heels then i can drive
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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