i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
