I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
