im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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