you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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