I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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