Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
