I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
