Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
