my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
