if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
