Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
