come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
