This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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