i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
