Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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