look no pants
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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