Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
