My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.