You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.