i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need to align my fucking chakras