Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
