the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
