Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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