Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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