I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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