Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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