handjob tips. give me some.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
