my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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