Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
