I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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