clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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