ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
