the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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