I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
