your thong is hanging out like whoa
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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