The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
