I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
