If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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