I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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