New low: just hacked my moms facebook
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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