I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
