i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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