i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
