I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
