i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
