you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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