some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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