I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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