Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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