1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's blow job season.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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